|I love this one - Meggie Megs at the Park|
For example, this is what I started to write yesterday:
There hasn’t been an update for a while. Actually, Kyle asked me over lunch if I was going to blog during the girls’ nap time. I told him no because I wasn’t sure I had anything positive to say and if I was only going to be negative, why write anything at all? And also because the girls had nap time from hades yesterday - up, down, up, down, cry, climbing out of bed, potty accidents, up, down, ... - and I wasn’t sure if they were planning a repeat performance for today.
I know some of my friends have been asking for pictures of the house. The truth is: I haven’t taken any yet because it’s not finished and I guess I’m afraid if I post them looking like a mess now that no one will come back and see them how I really want you to remember them - which is 100% put together and perfect - like I’ve got it all together.
I suppose that’s really why I haven’t written anything either.
|Because I owe it to you...here's an unfinished picture of the kitchen.|
|and from the other side.|
I’ve tried - really tried - to accentuate the positive, but mainly I just feel the loneliness of a new place creeping in.
And the loneliness is not with the move necessarily. Not with the new place necessarily. Or even the starting over necessarily. More with the way all those things make me feel.
I’m a feeling person. Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel things so strongly - even while I recognize that my feeling quality is a great strength; it’s what draws me to counseling, it’s probably why I’ve been blessed with daughters, it’s behind my passion for art and reading and theater and connection.
But, it’s also how I take in information about my world, how I process information about my world...and when that information tells me that I’m just not home yet, and my “logic” tells me not to trust my feelings, but my feelings are what seem REAL...I end up just feeling wrong, somehow.
I know my feelings will catch up with time - I’ve moved before, past history tells me that I’m going to be okay, so I’m trying to give myself the grace of time. To get comfortable with the expanse of time needed to start a new life. Not to jump into busyness, but to dwell within that which makes me uncomfortable.
Being patient with myself. And embracing the work in process. Letting God reveal His plans - not making my own because THAT’S what would make me feel better.
All the while learning how to do this moving thing as a parent.
Meggie’s a whole lot more resilient, I think, than me. From the moment we arrived, she’s been working it out in her mind:
“This our new street, Daddy?”
“Mama, it’s our new house! I see our new house!”
“This is Meggie’s new house, Daddy.”
It’s obvious to me that part of her very design fits well within the structure of a military family. Seems like she really is meant to be a nomad.
Sometimes, though, I still wonder how I got here - it’s not so easy to see the purpose for myself. I’m a creature of habit and deep relationships and home.
Home can be here, too, home can be here, too, home can be here, too. It’s become my mantra and my prayer.
Like last week, there are pinpoints of promise that I want to share, glimpses of God’s love and compassion that I want to, have to recognize.
Kyle and I took the girls out to the park around the block from our house. On the way there, pushing the girls in our big, double stroller, I shuffled gravel along the street with my feet. “I’m just starting to feel so lonely. I just wish I knew more people in our neighborhood.”
(Because we really, really did have the world’s best neighbors in OK.)
A few minutes later, I saw a young girl around Meg’s age on her scooter, her mother following swiftly behind. As our girls fell right into play, we started talking. Turns out she’s the founder of an Island mom’s group - with 35 moms and even more kids.
I’m already getting emails for play dates.
|I love how this picture of Meggie captures her love of life.|
|She later busted her lip open on this slide.|
|never seen so many palm trees in my daily existence. kinda exotic and refreshing.|
|with a little help from the boo-boo bunny, Meggie braved her first busted lip.|
Her newfound favorite phrase: “Mommy, can you hold me for a minute?”
My precious AV waving “hi” and “bye” and saying, “uh-oh.” And rolling over from her back to her tummy for the first time at 9.5 months last night. We all saw it, were there when it happened, a family of four reading books together in the baby’s room.
A new coffee pot to wake us up before the kids every day this week.
|She also tried puffs for the first time this week.|
|She LOVED them.|
|once she got the hang of chewing them up...|
|...she wanted to share. :)|
A spontaneous trip into base for diapers, gas, and a car wash. The car wash. It’s become our new family activity. Meggie’s eyes wide as porcelain Dutch saucers, and as blue.
Kyle back in flight school, studying a new plane. Recognizing the flight pattern of his plane over the coast by our house. Imagining his patience with students.
A conversation with my frousin. Talking about deep things and funny things - like things people say when they see our redheaded, Irish daughters.
The Texas State Aquarium today with the old friend of one of my old friends. Meggie dancing to the music of the dolphin show, AV nibbling on my keys, still little enough to be perched right near my heart. Meggie crying, “Mommy, LOOK! A big, big, big, BIG fish!”
Meggie nearly catapulting herself over the railing and into the ocean. Me, screaming, “MEGGIE!!! NOOOO!!! Put your feet on the ground!!!” into my new, old friend’s ear, startling her 6 month old angel baby.
The splash pad, Meggie leaping about in her water-drenched clothes, a little scared of the big bucket when it poured a waterfall, running back to me: “Mommy, can I hold your hand?”
Meeting a kind neighbor - who just moved in this week - who’s also just as desperate to meet people as me! She has a little dog named, “Annie.” We have a little dog named, “Douglass.”
Peaceful, prayerful walks on the beach.
Oh, yes, and this darling conversation which I want to remember always:
Kyle uncovered all the letters and post cards I mailed him during my senior study abroad trip in college. I pulled out one note and read it aloud.
“Ugh. I can’t believe I even wrote that stuff. I’m embarrassed. It’s so, so, soooo mushy and sentimental!”
He replied, “I kept every word. I fell in love with you all over again when you mailed me those letters.”
I made a face.
And Meggie piped up from the couch: “Daddy, are you in love with me, too?” She smiled.
So did we.
Knowing nothing is coincidence. Everything is holy.
|the girls at the beach this week.|
|they really are happy here.|
|excited Allie Ballie|
|the Red Seaweed.|
|if you look closer, you can see her four little top teeth poking through|
|hmmm...what is this???|
|"Daddy says it's not good for eating."|
|"But I'm going to try it again just to be sure."|
|"Nope. I guess it's STILL not good for me."|
|"And it's all over my feet."|
|"And in between my gums." EW.|
|"Good thing he's here to pick me up and keep me away from that stuff!"|
|that's my trusty old Camry you see.|